Hand to Mouth

misadventures in eating

The irony of listening to Christina Aguilera, “Beautiful” — shut up, don’t judge me — as I write this isn’t lost on me, okay?

with one comment

I’m not a coffee snob in the traditional sense.  I probably couldn’t tell the difference between a Folger’s brew and Kopi Luwak.  I have a limited amount of rational ability and I choose not to use it on coffee.  Instead, I choose my coffee based on its environmental impact: I like fairly-traded, I like shade-grown, I like organic and raised by small farm cooperatives that still allow birds to roost in their trees.  And while I don’t like Starbucks, they purport to sell coffee that follows at least the first two of my preferences, so every other day or so, when the 115 May’s Pond bus up to Mill Creek drops me off at 164th St. in Lynnwood, I truck on over to the Starbucks and order up.  And if I don’t order drip coffee, I end up with, and I am not making this up, this is my serious actual order: “one venti skim chai–light on the syrup–with two shots, please.”

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “God, you’re the gayest straight woman ever.”

Yes, I know, and yes, I agree, but if you go to the Starbucks Oracle, it can tell you so much more!  Yes, folks, you can have your entire personality read by your drink order.  And this is what it thinks of me:

Behold the Oracle’s wisdom:

Personality type: High Maintenance

You pride yourself on being assertive and direct; everyone else thinks you’re bossy and arrogant. You’re constantly running your mouth about topics that only you would find interesting. Your capacity for wasting other people’s time is limitless. Your friends find you intolerable, that’s why they’re plotting to kill you.

Also drinks: Water. Bottled, chilled, with four ice cubes, a twist of lemon, in a crystal glass.
Can also be found at: Trendy martini bars

Sadly, all v. v. true.  What about you guys?


Written by lshen

August 16, 2007 at 6:12 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

One Response

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  1. Personality type: Pseudo-intellectual

    You’re liberal and consider yourself to be laid back and open minded. Everyone else just thinks you’re clueless. Your friends hate you because you always email them virus warnings and chain letters “just in case it’s true.” All people who drink grande chai latte 5 pumps are potheads.

    Also drinks: Sparkling water
    Can also be found at: Designer grocery stores

    Sadly true. SO SO TRUE. (I had to take out the soy milk part, as it threw the oracle off. I can’t help it if I’m lactose intolerant!)


    August 16, 2007 at 6:51 pm

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